As an American expat living in France, you become adept at blending into the local culture, out of a need to fit in but also as David Sedaris so astutely noted, “Noone hates Americans abroad like a fellow American”. No matter how hard you try, we can see right through you because we are still struggling from our own imposter syndrome and complicated relationship to our birth country? Nonetheless, the land of the purportedly free has a few things to learn about how to interact with the French and how to appear more appropriately in public.

1. Loud Volume and Enthusiasm

Americans are extremely loud (this is a fact not to be debated), perhaps as some argue, because it is a warning to fellow humans not to encroach on their personal space, or on account of the fact that that’s just our culture. Americans are also prone to fake enthusiasm and hyperbolization that baffles and alienates Europeans who find “oh my god I love that,” to be lacking in sincerity. The remedy to this? Lower volume, thinking before you speak, learning a handful of useful adjectives that express what you see and how you feel, and stop smiling, unless you’re actually happy, it’s creepy.

2. Casual Dress Code

The French dress with intention and that intention translates into a highly curated sense of self demonstrated in clothing that is usually tailored, and reflects the elegance of their surroundings, especially in Paris. American tourists tend to prefer comfort over style which in turn renders them bovine and bizarre: in France, leggings are not substitutes for pants (nor should they ever be), Hoka sneakers with mini floral dresses (grow up and wear a clog, a sandal, an espadrille, or a heel), sports attire in general is not appropriate for wear outside of the gym, quiet luxury is not all beige with a designer bag, and cosplaying “Parisienne” style to an extreme degree denigrates French women by depicting them as exclusively hyper-feminine and infatalized. Rant over, learn how to dress for yourself and what you genuinely like, I promise you that deep down you can express your personality through eloquent sartorial means..

3. Tipping Generously

In France, service charges are typically included in the bill, and tipping is not as customary or expected (mandatory considering the egregious low wages paid to American waitstaff) as it is in the United States. American tourists, accustomed to the 15-20% tipping norm back home, often leave larger tips than necessary, which can immediately signal their nationality - I don’t think this one is derogative though.

4. Not Speaking any French

While many tourists make an effort to speak French, Americans seem to bask in their privileged fatuity. Chances are, if you can afford a plane ticket from the US which is a privilege in and of itself, you can learn “Bonjour,” “merci,” and a handful of other necessary phrases. The amount of times I have been trying to order something from a French cafe and the American in front of me doesn’t even start their order with “Bonjour, can I please have,” but go full throttle, “I’ll have an iced caramel latte” with zero common courtesy is astounding. Do what you want with ice and caramel but please make an attempt to be polite, it’s the bare minimum.

5. Hyper-Specific Restaurant Orders

In the US it is often said the customer is king (in reality we know it is the shareholders), and as such, many Americans expect establishments to cater to their specific wants, needs, and at the risk of sounding condescending, extremely limited food palates. In France, an expat can spot an American tourist a mile away (ok fine, from the crosswalk across from the cafe) from ice in your drinks - apéro spritzes and other cocktails are exempt - to the ominous and ubiquitous burgers avec frites lining plates meant for local dishes and not the mass-produced extension of American cultural imperialism. Moreover, if you’re carrying a “doggy bag” - no you’re not because no self-respecting French restaurant will give you one - you might as well wear a flag on your t-shirt. All customizations to refined French cuisine (with the exception of adaptations to allergens, celiac disease and vegan/vegetarian concerns) will perplex the French waitstaff, as the local dining culture typically values the chef’s original presentation.

6. Backpacks Galore

French locals and expats tend to carry smaller, more practical bags. In contrast, American tourists are often seen with large backpacks, fanny packs, or oversized handbags stuffed with travel essentials - I promise you, whatever you need can be found at a local pharmacy, take it from me, a hypochondriac who carries at minimum 3 disinfecting products at a time.